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Akpors Reporting From London



News getting to us from our journalist, Mr. Akpors, is that another top Naija political weight has being arrested in London. The arrest may not be unconnected with his new book titled 'My Watch', a book he published and fled to London. In the book, he depicted the president of the most populous country in Africa as a man who has not only destroyed PDP but also led the country to disaster. 


Akpors took the above picture of the arrest.  More details to come later. Stay tuned. That was a nice photoshop there.


Exclusive: Boko Haram uses cows to bomb communities


It seems the dreaded Islamic group has now taken a new dimension in their job of bombing innocent citizens of Nigeria. They now use cows to bomb people. According to a report, the terrorists strap bombs on the cows and then send them into populated communities before detonating the explosives.



According to New Telegraph, the sect’s new strategy was disclosed by the Coordinator of the National Information Centre (NIC), Mike Omeri during a press briefing on Thursday, December 4, in Abuja. Omeri said “Sometimes, they strap bombs around cows, and push them to settlements. That is why we have been calling for more vigilance and total collaboration and cooperation among citizens...We urge all citizens to be patient, when you are subjected to searches and checks; it is something that we have to live with. It happens all over the world, especially when we are faced with what we have...''

Top 10 Popular and Influential Nigerians That Have Killed And Their Victims


 The table below shows their names and their poor victims.

Linda Ikeji Jumping And Dancing At Bar Beach Wearing Bikini


This picture leaked into the internet recently. It shows Linda Ikeji jumping and dancing at Lagos bar beach.


When Google deleted her blog, lindaikeji.blogspot.com, on October 9, 2014, she was devastated and in order to help herself forget her sorrows, she went to the beach on early hours of October 10, 2014.


Suddenly, a friend called her that Google has just brought her blog back. She started jumping and dancing with joy and happiness. Chai Eeeyaaa!, I am happy for her ooo.


Proof That Peter Okoye Is In Illuminati


One of the Psquare duo, Peter Okoye, posted the above picture in a social media arousing suspicions that he might have joined the dreaded secret society called Illuminati.


However, there might be proof that he is actually a member of the cult. The picture you are about to see below will prove to you beyond any reasonable doubt that Peter is actually a member of Illuminati.


























Sorry my dear, illuminati does not exist. It was founded on May 1, 1776 and was outlawed through Edict, by the Bavarian ruler, Charles Theodore, with the encouragement of the Roman Catholic Church. Read about Illuminati here.

Burkina Faso Military Leader Not Happy With GEJ


The president of Nigeria landed Burkina Faso yesterday in a visit for crisis talk with other ECOWAS leaders. However, the Burkina Faso Military leader looked disappointed as he saw the president of the most populous country in Africa not wearing his usual black 'agbada' and black round hat. 


From their picture above, it seems that their discussion was as follows.

''Mr GEJ, where is your black agbada and round black hat. You wore it when you travelled to China, France, USA and other non-African countries. 'Abi, you wan form oyibo for me'? '', Burkina Faso leader asked. 


Smiling in fear of deportation, the Nigerian President said '' Bros bros, I beg you, ’no vex'. I soaked it two days ago and washed it a day later, but due to power failure, I could not use my drying machine. When I spread it under the sun to dry, rain started falling''. 


Spare me that entire cock and bull story Mr Man.  If I tell you bloody civilian to go back to Nigeria now and fix your electrical power problems, people will say I am wicked. Anyway, welcome to Burkina Faso.''

Top 5 Crazy African Queens That Can Make You Break Your Waist

Jokes apart, if you think that no body can ever make you jump out from your sit and dance, these 5 crazy African music and dance queens will surely prove you wrong.

1. SARAH KAISI
Sarah Kaisi, aka Shaa, is a top Bongo Flava artist from Tanzania. Shaa is vibrant, beautiful  and creative with a unique sense of style. Watch this African diva shake it in one of her best hit ‘Sugua Gaga’.  Sugua Gaga by the Tanzanian musician is danceable from the beginning to the end and there is never a dull moment in this video. This song brings out the true meaning of the East African Chakacha dance style. Sugua Gaga is a song of celebration. Poverty should not be an excuse for you not to celebrate in this life. Click here to see for yourself.






2. YEMI EBERECHI ALADE
Yemi Eberechi Alade popularly known as Yemi Alade is a Nigerian Afro pop singer. Her father is from Yoruba tribe while her mother is from Ibo tribe. This makes her to be fondly referred to as ‘’Yoruba-Ibo girl’’. Watch her ‘shake what her mama gave her’ in this video which she titled ‘Johnny’. The song tells the story of a cheating and lying lover. It will definitely make you get up and dance…..I’m looking for my Johnny, Where is my Johnny, Do you know Johnny, If I no see Johnny, Fefe geme….You can watch it here.


3. BARBARA  KANAM
Barbara Kanam is an award-winning Congolese singer-songwriter, music producer and actress. Kanam was born in Bukavu, Zaire (now the Democratic Republic of the Congo). If you love makosa music, then this song which she titled 'Réponds-moi' will surely make you dance out shit. Take it easy as you dance this for the sake of your waist. Click here to see her do the thing.

4. ANITA MACUACUA
Anita Macuácua, is a talented Mozambican singer and songwriter performing urban and folkloric music of Mozambique. Watch her make you dance in this her hot African dance and Afro Portuguese soukous music titled 'Mocambique'. You will surely join her sing and dance Viva Viva Viva Mocambiquee...See the video here.






5. NALEDI KAISARA
Naledi Kaisara, aka Slizer, is a songstress and dance queen from Botswana. She will surely make your stiff waist flexible. Please, don't try to dance like her if you have rheumatism or arthritis so you may not break your remaining bones. Watch the vivacious raunchy singer and dancer, Naledi Kaisara, mesmerize you with her mind blowing waist wiggling moves in this video which she titled  'Ke ngwana wa mang'. Click here to see. Please don't break your waist ooo.

As St Genevieve New Collection Debuts On Jumia.com, Sexy Ebola Nurse costume Surfaces








Ebola Fear

One early morning, an elderly local Ibo woman went to a general hospital to complain to a doctor about her rheumatoid arthritis. She was not aware that the doctor was from another tribe in Nigeria, On entering the doctors office, she greeted the doctor:  ''Dokita, Ebola Chi''

The doctor immediately stood up from his sit and shouted, ''wait wait, oh my God, madam what did I hear you say? Ebola! ''

The doctor quickly jumped out of his office and ran away. All the nurses and patients took to their heels.

But something that shocked me was that a dead body that was brought to be deposited in the hospital's mortuary opened the ambulance that was conveying it, jumped out of the ambulance and ran for his dear life as he heard people running out of the hospital because of Ebola.

Pregnant women who came to see doctor too, ran faster than the doctor.

Among the runners, the supposed dead man who was brought with ambulance took first position followed by the pregnant women, doctor and nurses took the third position while the other patients took the last position.

Surprisingly, a barely one year old child that was tied at the back of his mother was not satisfied with the speed of her mum. The baby untied the cloth that was holding him on his mum's back and jumped out.

He said to the mum, ''Maama, meet me at the house'' and ran like Usain Bolt.

As at the time of gathering this report, the poor innocent Ibo woman has been quarantined.

But, ''Ebola Chi'' is an Ibo Language which means ''Good morning''.  I don't blame the doctor because  life is so sweet.

Let me use this golden opportunity to greet you my dear friend who is reading this. Ebola chi! Am just greeting. Don't vamoose.

Tonto Dike with Beyonce Leads the Nominees for the 2014 MTV Video Awards In California

The 2014 MTV Video Music Awards kicks off at The Forum in Inglewood, California. This is the 31st annual MTV Video Music Awards. Nigerian singer Tonto Dike and American singer Beyoncé lead the nominees with eight nominations while American rapper Eminem is behind them with seven. 

Tonto Dike is the big winner on the night with four awards for her debut video 'Crazically fit' featuring Terry G. The ceremony draws a total of 10.1 million viewers. 

The performance began with Tonto's performing "Jeje" in a monkey-themed attire. Following this, Terry G entered the stage and Tonto stripped down to a white-coloured two-piece outfit. Tonto Dike's fifteen minute performance was mind blowing and she stole the hearts of the cheering crowd. 

As the whole ceremony was about to end, Tonto, the Poko queen, was called up to receive her awards. As she was walking and walking gently with lots of smile on her beautiful face, just very close to the podium, about to receive the awards, she woke up. 

Kai. Malaria dream......



Na Joke oooo.

Finally, The Cure of Ebola is Here


Before you go to bed tonight, tie a palm leaf and red cloth round your head and your waist. Then dance around any banana tree singing ''ebelebe ebelebe ebelebe'' 7 times.  It also stops EBOLA. This one works faster. Hahahahahahahah,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.at least it is safer than using salt to fight EBOLA. Na joke ooo.


But Jokes apart, salt and bitter leaf does not cure Ebola virus. More people in Nigeria have died through using salt and bitter kola to prevent Ebola than the Ebola virus itself. In short, there is no confirmed cure. Just keep a healthy hygiene.


*  Ensure that meat is properly cooked before eating (if possible, avoid bush meat and interaction with animals such as bats, monkeys, pigs etc.)



*  Avoid hand shake as much as possible.(wash your hands frequently with disinfectants)


* Avoid touching contaminated needles or surfaces.



* Avoid unnecessary visiting of hospitals. (use facial masks and hand gloves when caring for any sick
person)


* Avoid religious healing centers


* Alert and report to health professionals and the general public, when you notice someone with the symptoms of Ebola.


* Avoid attending burials (wear protective clothing or ''Ebola suits'' such as masks, gloves, gowns, and goggles if you must touch a dead or sick body. Those who care for a sick person or bury someone who has died from the disease often get the virus)


* If you fall sick, avoid going to public places.(isolation of Ebola HF patients from contact with unprotected persons is important to prevent the spread.)


* You can’t get Ebola from air, water, or food. A person who has Ebola but has no symptoms can’t spread the disease, either.  It spreads to people by contact with the skin or bodily fluids of an infected animal, like a monkey, chimp, or fruit bat. Then it moves from person to person the same way.

 Ebola has the following signs and symptoms:
*Fever
* Headache
*Joint and muscle aches
*Weakness
*Diarrhea
*Vomiting
*Stomach pain
*Lack of appetite

Some patients may experience:
*A Rash
*Red Eyes
*Hiccups
*Cough
*Sore throat
*Chest pain
*Difficulty breathing
*Difficulty swallowing
*Bleeding inside and outside of the body


Symptoms may appear anywhere from 2 to 21 days after exposure to Ebola virus though 8-10 days is most common. Some who become sick with Ebola HF are able to recover, while others do not. The reasons behind this are not yet fully understood. However, it is known that patients who die usually have not developed a significant immune response to the virus at the time of death.


Ebola is a rare but deadly virus that causes bleeding inside and outside the body.
As the virus spreads through the body, it damages the immune system and organs. Ultimately, it causes levels of blood-clotting cells to drop. This leads to severe, uncontrollable bleeding.


So far serious Ebola cases have only shown up in Central and West Africa.




PLEASE SHARE THIS INFORMATION. THIS IS NO JOKE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Student Proves Professor Wrong - A Joke But Inspiring

In 1902, a professor asked his student whether it was God who created everything that exists in the universe?
Student replied: Yes
He again asked: What about evil? Has God created evil also?
The student got silent. Then the student requested that may he ask a question for him? Professor allowed him to do so.
He asked: Does cold exist?
Professor said: Yes! Don't you feel the cold dear.
Student said:  I am sorry but you are wrong sir. Cold is a complete absence of heat. There is no cold, it is just an absence of heat.
Student asked again: Does darkness exist?
Professor said: Yes!
Student replied: You are again wrong sir. There is no such thing like darkness. It is actually the absence of light. Sir! We always study light and heat, but not cold and darkness. Similarly, the evil does not exist. Actually it is the absence of love, faith and true belief in God...
 The professor fainted.

Chelsea Sells Mikel, Buys Tinubu


 

After being hit by the bombshell from owner Roman Abramovich that he will have to sell some players before he can buy another players, Chelsea manager Mourinho has long time ago given the green light to the departures of two big Chelsea money buys like David Luiz and John Obi Mikel. But Mourinho has been told there will be no money on top of what he brings in from sales, as Chelsea try to stay within Financial Fair Play rules. Chelsea, in order to maintain its strong midfield has moved on to buy Bola Tinubu. Though, he is in his sixties, Mourinho has the strong feelings that the strong APC midfielder would perform same tricks in Chelsea and would make Chelsea proud. All efforts to interview him by our CNN crew on why he has to accept the offer was to no avail as he refused to give them audience. Though he whispered to Fashola, ''these people no go mind their bussiness. Why follow me up and down na? I be the only politician who dey play ball? Obasanjo no dey play? Atiku, Rochas, Amaechi nko? Abeg, make una leave me''. Na joke  oo.

Tinubu has controlled South-West politics 
Tinubu has controlled South-West politics 
Tinubu has controlled South-West politics
Tinubu has controlled South-West politics 
Tinubu has controlled South-West politics 



Tinubu has controlled South-West politics
Tinubu has controlled South-West politics
Tinubu has controlled South-West politics
Tinubu has controlled South-West politics
Tinubu has controlled South-West politics